Men Express Themselves
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Are They Happily Married To You?

What in the world makes you believe that your husband or wife is happy being married to you?

I'm serious! – Don't simply say that the fact they haven't left you is proof of their love and joy. Because we both know that's not a valid way to tell. Don't say that they have sex with you once a week or month, either.

So, by now, you're likely to be getting a touch irritated with me. Especially at my asking the question. Well, folks, here's the story... Far too often a friend will espouse shock at the news that their wife or husband is divorcing them. They will claim that they had no idea how unhappy their spouse was with the marriage... with them. They will mention that 'every couple has their share of problems'. That while they weren't spending much time together, it was simply because of other demands on their time. That what lovemaking there was did seem boring and obligatory at times, but doesn't every couple experience this? As for arguments, that, also, was so very common in even the best of marriages.

But, we know different, don't we? - We know that while there is a grain of truth in all of what our soon-to-be-divorced friend says, the fact of the matter is that we tend to turn a blind eye to the serious problems in our relationships. We somehow hope that if we don't acknowledge them, they will simply disappear on their own. (Similar to when a child closes her/ his eyes, and tells you that they are now  invisible.)

So, let me go back to the beginning of this piece. What makes you believe that your spouse is happy with the quality of life that they have with you? And, that they still love you? It's only when you decide to step back and look at your lives together, from a distance... And, you ask your wife/ husband if they are happy with you and the way things are... Will you truly have a decent idea. I say 'decent', because your partner in life might feel awkward in answering the question honestly.

So, what, then? The second way that you know how your marriage is going is based upon observation. Do they seem to smile when they see you? Do they still take or accept your hand when it is 'there for the asking'? Are any kisses, passionate? Do they make an effort to relax with you, or do they instead jump on Facebook, go out with friends, every opportunity they have? At night, do they simply give you a peck and then roll away from you.

Bottom line is that it is up to us to take the temperature, if you will, of our marriage. And, at the early signs of illness, to find and fill the prescription that will keep you and your spouse together, in a healthy and happy way. 'Cause you each deserve it. And, so many times, if the lack of harmony is dealt with early enough, then the ogre of divorce is banished.

'Nuff said!